We were best friends; neighbors. I don't even remember what made me so mad at my friend. I just remember feeling rage as my childish blows beat down on his neck and shoulders. It felt both good to express my anger and awful that I was so out of control. I ran home horrified at what I had done.
Even now as I relate that story, it doesn't seem to fit with the picture of a little boy that was trying to be good. I had grown up in a home where we read the Bible daily, talked about Jesus and went to church three times a week. I knew a lot about Jesus from parents that lived humbly and prayed sincerely. They prayed like they were talking to a friend. What was wrong with me? Why wasn't it getting to my heart?
It wasn't until I was at a Christian summer camp as a twelve-year-old that it made sense one night. I don't even remember what the speaker said as we sat around the campfire. I only remember that the words he shared from the Bible that night started to grip me at a very deep level. Hearing those words made me aware that God was completely and morally perfect; what the Bible calls holy. I knew that I was not holy because of the wrong things I had done; something the Bible calls sin. My sins meant that when I died I could not be with God in heaven.
I prayed a simple prayer that night, thanking God for providing a way I could be forgiven through what Jesus had done for me. I invited Him to be the boss of my life. I didn't hear angels sing or see lightning flash, but I knew that something had changed in my life. I had moved from knowledge about God to a relationship with God.
After that night I began to slowly see the changes in my life that I had longed for. I began to view prayer as a conversation with a person that loved me. Instead of considering church attendance as a duty, it was now a place that helped me get to know God, this person that already knew me. I was learning about God along with people who were also on the same journey. The Bible was starting to become personal and meaningful to me. God was using it to change me and to give purpose to my life.
One of the most wonderful parts of my new relationship with God was understanding that He wanted to use my interests and passions. My interest in computers and films is incredibly fulfilling for me and God has made it a blessing for other people. I have so much to learn, but now the desire and power to change doesn't come from me-I'm discovering it in the context of a relationship with God.