I grew up feeling insecure and afraid. My father was either away from home or drunk.  My mother was also usually gone. She had to work long hours to make enough money to take care of four children and pay the rent. I often feared that something horrible might happen to my parents and that I would be left alone. I wanted to be sure that I was a good child so that they would not leave me. I wanted everyone to think that I was a good boy and worth loving. 

In order to fill the emptiness and insecurity in my life, and to make myself feel special, I spent much of my childhood playing sports. I especially did well in baseball and basketball and received praise from others because of my successes. By my last year in high school I was too short to play basketball. So, instead, I began to learn to fly airplanes. I even received a pilot's license during my last year of high school. This made me feel very special - even a little superior to others. I even found a pretty girlfriend who also wanted to learn to fly airplanes with me! 

When I started college I couldn't afford to pay for both college and airplanes, so I joined a popular college fraternity (social club). I felt like I was someone special again. I enjoyed the sense of belonging and acceptance that I felt there. Unfortunately, I soon discovered that I was unable to afford the fraternity fees. Every month I was embarrassed when my name was put on a list of members who could not pay their bill. I began to feel deeply and secretly that I was unworthy.

About that time some friends shared with me that God loved me and cared about me even if I felt unworthy or could not do enough things to make others like and respect me. These friends explained that Jesus died on the cross to pay for my sins and wanted to give me eternal life if I would simply believe - simply accept Him into my heart. After struggling with this for six months I finally accepted Christ. 

Soon, I met with another Christian who helped me understand that when Christ had entered my heart, he had forgiven my sins and given me eternal life - all as a free gift - not because I had somehow made myself worthy. My life gradually began to change. Instead of going to parties and getting drunk, I wanted to enjoy genuine relationships with others. The purpose of my life began to change. I wanted to follow God and help others know Him. I found that I could be secure because of His unconditional love for me. I still have many weaknesses and problems. I still want to do well, but I know God is pleased with me even if I fail. I don't have to somehow make others think I am special. I am special because God loves me.